Do you like sleeping? Of course you do. That’s why you’re looking at beds online. But do you really like sleeping? As in … enough to try and analyse your sleeping positions? Of course you do! Everyone is curious about what their unconscious nocturnal activities say about them. So let us at The Sleep Room introduce you to The Secret Language of Sleep by Evany Thomas.

Few bedside reads are as pretty as this one

Published by the US hipsters at McSweeney’s (run by Dave Eggers, cooler-than-thou lit-kid and author of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius), this cute little blue book is an instant must-read for anyone who has a luxury bed but still wonders about whether they’re really giving bedtime 110% devotion. More importantly, this innocent looking mini-tome promises fascinating insights into the state of your relationship … based on the positions you sleep in.

Describing our bed as ‘the one place that holds all the answers’, Thomas has even included a handy little guide to each of the positions discussed – from those that promote sleep among insomniacs to those that work well in sleeping bags.

Of course, the first position discussed is Classic Spoons, something that is flexible enough to be applied to either cosy upholstered beds or the unforgiving rainy camper’s tent. Remember this, dear readers: ‘a couple could spend an entire lifetime exploring all of Spoons’ possibilities, and indeed many do’.

Classic spoons - We salute you

Oprah was right when she featured the book in her O magazine, calling it ‘Hugely entertaining and deadpan smart’. But there is one position that truly alarms us: Bread and Spread. It is described as requiring the ‘lucky conjunction of two very specific people: someone whose soundest sleep can only be found lying under the significant warmth and weight of another person, and someone who enjoys the precarious position and high-wire balance it takes to spend an entire night lying on top of someone else’s shifting body’.  We’ll be honest: it unnerves us. Oh yes it does. But we want to know if anyone can do it. We’d only recommend trying it in one of our larger French beds, but we look forward to hearing back from any intrepid sleepers who have attempted the Bread & Spread. Bonne chance, sleepers!

Oh, the joy, the joy! We’ve had some pearls in the past with English as a foreign language during our travels for things to go with our lovely beds. We’ve even had Italian restaurateurs showing off their existential musings. So it was with a sense of familiarity that we recently saw this little beauty trotting out of the international stable of fun.

We’re not quite sure what this particular marketing whizz has experienced in life so far. But clearly they’re not an England football fan: 2010 is pants compared to 1966. x

We know everyone loves beds, but at The Sleep Room we wanted to take a minute to praise what we put on them. Then we realised that the Victoria & Albert Museum had beaten us to it. They currently have an exhibition, Quilts 1700-2010 running until 4 July, and it truly is filled with treasures both fascinating and moving.

While we can of course appreciate the appeal of simple white linen on a gorgeous upholstered bed, we became unexpectedly entranced by the quilts on display. They range from military quilts – dating from back in the times when soldiers in 19^th century India were encouraged to use embroidery as a way of preventing excessive drinking and gambling – to quilts from modern artists such as Tracey Emin and Grayson Perry.  Although, the less we at The Sleep Room are reminded of Tracey’s My Bed the better…

To Meet My Past, Tracey Emin, 2002, The Saatchi Gallery, London (click image for larger version)

There are some truly exquisite quilts on display, including a beautiful silk cot quilt, but many of the more ornate designs were not really intended as covers for luxury beds, but more as historical documents or family heirlooms. A closer inspection of many of them tells a curious story. For example, a quilt depicting Aesop’s Fables has clearly been stitched by two different sets of hands. How can we tell? Because parts show the work of someone paying meticulous attention to detail, and other parts … not so much. One might even say slapdash.

Quilts celebrating childbirth, and for use on children’s beds also feature prominently in the exhibition, but perhaps the ones that really caught our eye are those made by prisoners at HMP Wandsworth. Poignant but not relentlessly grim, they have slogans such as “I miss my family” and of course “I didn’t do it, guv, honest” stitched on to them.

Rajah Quilt, Made by convicts on board HMS Rajah, 1841, National Gallery of Australia, Canberra

It’s a wonderful exhibition and we’d encourage anyone who had a passion for crafts or who just loves beds to go and see it. And if you don’t fancy taking our word for it, be warned that tickets are selling fast regardless – it is had over 8,000 advance bookings and local hotels are choc-a-bloc with bookings from abroad. Get in amongst the covers while you can!

And so from Corsica we flew on to India as part of our quest to find gorgeous items to add to our new collection of bedroom furniture we’re working on.

We could have been bowled over by the 45 degree heat (which we loved), but we were instead bowled over by the enthusiasm and positive attitudes of everyone we met: typically Indian!  It was totally inspiring to spend several days with all the wonderful craftsmen who painstakingly make all our handmade pieces like these bedside beauties that’ll go down a treat with our French beds.

Our old love affair with India was as strong as ever. And needless to say we’ll be featuring a load of colourful items in our new collection.

Sometimes we like a bit of music in the offices here at The Sleep Room, and sometimes we like a bit of Radio 4. Which means that Desert Island Discs is always a bit of a favourite, and we were all too excited when the notoriously publicity-shy Morrissey made an appearance at the end of last year. But what we weren’t expecting was his choice of luxury. Veggie burgers? Gladioli? Nope – a bed. “Desert island or not, what’s the point in anything without a decent bed?”, he asked lovely Kirsty Young. Well indeed. Who knew he loves beds as much as we do?

Morrissey on a bed. Cosy.

Then we started thinking … he can’t be the only one can he? And we were right. Because the number of celebs who have chosen luxury beds and bedding as their desert island indulgence it quite staggering. Since Roy Plomley created the show in 1942, the great and the good have been queuing up to choose their 8 tracks, favourite book – and a bed.

We will put Suggs to one side. In 2002 he chose to take a nucleus of bees with him. And we like the fact that Kristin Scott Thomas went for a pair of Louboutins. That really is a luxury. But it’s 2004 when the bed-fest kicks off. That year author Diana Athill asked for her own bed, then by 2005 Jarvis Cocker wanted a bed with a mosquito net, Ruby Wax was after a huge bed, and Mario Testino kept it simple by requesting just his pillow.

In 2007 Oliver Postgate, creator of iconic children’s’ TV shows such as The Clangers, Noggin the Nog and Bagpuss, selected a ‘comfortable bed’. (We like to think he’d go with an upholstered bed) and then a year later Diane Abbott went the whole hog with a ‘nice bed, comfortable mattress, sheets and a mosquito net’. Quite right too.

Desert Island Discs presenter Kirsty Young. She looks like she could do with a more comfortable bed there.

We’ve spent some time trying to work out what our luxury would be. While we’re confident that we could never come up with something as gorgeous as our Wiltshire-based craftsmen do, we’re pretty sure that everyone on the team could knock up a wooden bed if pushed. So we’d choose a mattress. It’s a mattress that has smuggled all of our friends and family inside it though.

It’s time for the 2010 Virgin London Marathon: the sporting event of the year which prompts lots of us to stay in our beds, gazing in awe at those going the distance, while vowing that we will do it one day. “Just let me finish this bacon buttie, and then I’ll sign up, yeah?” 

This year the range of celebrities running is as strong – and well, um, random as ever. Of course it’s to be expected that new sponsor and Virgin chief Richard Branson is running, as is ITV’s Jenni Falconer, singer Michelle Heaton and a host of others. Oh how we’ll chuckle as we see them struggle to the finish line, drenched in sweat…

But some of the team here at The Sleep Room have run the London Marathon in the past, and we know it’s no mean feat … tired isn’t even the word. Bone-achingly exhausted is a little closer to the mark.  As such, we’d like to prescribe some R&R tips for this year’s celeb runners…

Sir Richard is running with his two children and a team of 100 others for the Virgin Unite charity. Ideally we’d like to see the lot of them take their post-run rest in a massive Charlie & the Chocolate Factory-style wooden bed. Wonka bars for all, and everyone in together to celebrate!

The Branson family could have a wonderful time relaxing in one of these

Jenni Falconer is both tall and athletic – she’s even won sporty reality shows in the past – so we’re guessing she will make the finishing line faster than many. She seems like a level-headed lady so we reckon she’ll be heading for some healthy food rather than a bucket of left-over Easter eggs, and we’d suggest a chic upholstered bed would be best for her. Perhaps something with a little tartan fabric.

As for Michelle Heaton, well, she’s Jordan’s bezzie mate, so we’re reckoning she’s quite fancy. We’d recommend the girliest of meals – fondue and marshmallows perhaps – and then a decent night’s kip on some kind of fantastical bed.  A pink bed? A French bed? Oh no hold on, we think she’d like this Disney Fantasy Carriage Bed.

A fantastical bed for fancy Michelle Heaton

Whatever their times, we salute this year’s runners – celebrity or otherwise – and hope that you all get a well-deserved good night’s sleep on 25^th April!

1)   Sleigh beds are often referred to as French beds as it was Napoleon who popularised this style of bed at his court in the French Empire period (from 1795 – 1820). These French originals were designed for one. Although they had the classic old-fashioned sleigh shape, there were usually slimmer than our current double ones, and had more of a day-bed vibe. Used less for curling up with cocoa and soothing novels, they were used more for flouncing about on and socialising.

2)   However, the French weren’t the first to buy beds in this distinctive shape: courtesans in Napoleon’s day actually got their inspiration from the shapes and styles of antique Roman beds that were often discovered throughout Europe in those days. The French, getting into the swing of their own empire, clearly fancied a taste of the Roman bedroom style. We’re not sure if the Romans had sleighs, and they certainly won’t have called them French beds, so we’re guessing they just used good old ‘lectus’.

We hope the French and Romans would approve of the workshop where our Sleigh Beds are made

3)   By 1815 the sleigh bed had made its way to the US, where almost every town with a decent craftsman was seeing a flurry of them being made. Initially they weren’t entirely wooden beds but had simple wooden veneers. Later, they were made from solid cherry, oak or pine wood. They became particularly popular in the Southeast – east of the Mississippi river.  Charles Platt Rogers was one of the early bed magnates, and his store – opened in 1855 – is still trading in the US.

4)   One thing that’s always been a constant about sleigh beds is that they have been luxury beds. French cabinet makers were highly competitive with their rolled-out tops at both the head and foot end, trying to make the finished article as fancy as possible. The American versions increasingly became status symbols, seen in the fanciest homes and in the very smartest guesthouses. These days they aren’t even always made of wood, with designers branching out into all kinds of swanky leather and metal combinations.

Crafty work! Another shot of our Sleigh Beds being created

5)   We’re sure the ancient Romans, the flouncing French and the empire-building Americans of yesteryear enjoyed their sleigh beds. The feeling of snuggliness and security is second to none when you’re tucked up in one. But we can’t help but think it must have been a right hassle to get hold of one. We’d quite like our own vineyard, our own French maid or our own plantation. But we also like the idea of online beds too. Here’s to the pioneers!

Well we haven’t, but Charlie’s sister Lou has! She’s just given birth to the lovely Ordi. Rather than going to hospital like most normal people, she decided to stay at home and flit between her bathroom and Antoinette French bed!

Luckily everything went according to plan and they are now looking more healthy than most of us. Fake tan anyone?

So big shout to Lou, Rufus, Esme and Cas. And a huge welcome to this wonderful world to Ordi. We’re now busy working on all our new kids beds and bunk beds for launch later this summer. So we promise to let you test them first! x

Everyone wants the ultimate bed. The one that will cure ills, solve disputes and promise everlasting love.

We do our best at The Sleep Room, and we are of course proud of our own luxury beds. But even we are prepared to concede that the ultimate luxury bed is no longer available – as it belonged to Odysseus.

Odysseus was one of Greek epic poet Homer’s greatest creations. A brave and honourable soldier, he put in ten years of sterling service during the Trojan War, as told in The Iliad. Once he’d played his part in ensuring his side won, it then took him a further ten years to get back home. Yes, that’s ten years people – twenty years away from home. See The Odyssey for details. So you can imagine that his reunion with faithful wife Penelope would be one fraught with anxiety and potential heartache.

Having turned down an offer of immortality from the goddess Calypso to make it home to Penelope, Odysseus finally made it back on April 16^th 1178BC. He was understandably keen to test if she had been faithful herself. So he turned up, slaughtered all of her 100 potential suitors in a bow contest and then shook off his disguise, ready to reclaim his long lost wife.

Odysseys makes swift work of getting rid of the competition

Pen, something of a feisty bird, who had been fending off marital wannabes for twenty years, was just as keen to make absolutely sure that Odysseus was who he claimed to be. So she played a trick: she asked her servant Euryclea to quickly move their wedding bed for him to rest in. No biggie, you might think. But Odysseus righteously freaked out. Because he knew that of all the wooden beds on earth, theirs was the finest – and the least moveable. For it was carved from the stump of an olive tree. No human being could possibly move it.

Of course, Penelope quickly realised that she finally had her man back and the pair were reunited. What more powerful symbol of love could there be than a marital bed so rooted on earth that it literally cannot be shifted? It might not be practical if you’re planning a home move, but that’s one hell of a wooden bed, and it’s certainly the most romantic story we’ve ever heard.

You needn’t take The Sleep Room’s word for it, as the goddess of love herself agrees: that evening Athena extended the night for the reunited pair, giving them extra time to catch up and rest. Now if only we could invent a luxury bed that did that for us…

Odysseus and Penelope, as imagined by Francesco Primaticcio

Yes, we know you know, but here at The Sleep Room we never tire of new reasons to love beds. In fact, we thought we had thought of them all but recently we thought of a humdinger: they are nesting point of some of the best belly laughs we’ve ever had.

It began with a quick look at a classic Morecambe & Wise sketch featuring them in their natty little pyjamas sharing a snug wooden bed, and then we couldn’t stop thinking of examples.

It seems to have begun with Laurel & Hardy, who frequently shared a large French sleigh bed in their comedy capers, and were further immortalised in this shot, which hung on the wall of Joey & Chander’s apartment in Friends.

Laurel & Hardy in bed in 'Leave 'em Laughing'

In 1920s and 1930s, it wasn’t uncommon for less wealthy adults to bunk up, but by Eric & Ernie’s day it was definitely being used as a comedy trope – especially as they mention their wives on some occasions! It turns out it was their writer Eddie Braben whose idea the situation was, and apparently Eric Morecambe was initially so uncomfortable with the idea that he insisted on being able to smoke his pipe during those scenes. Word is, this important detail would make sure his ‘masculinity’ was emphasised.

And, just as Eric & Ernie has been inspired, they went on to inspire others … especially some puppets. First there were Bert & Ernie, eternal flatmates and stalwarts of the Sesame Street scene. They didn’t actually share a bed, but had a pair of nice wooden beds in their shared room. (Fact fans alert – that set first appeared in 1970, the opening episode of Season 2). The iconic decor remained and the bedtime chats were the bedrock of their relationship and a source of much loved comedy gold.

Bert & Ernie in their lovely bedroom

Into the 1980s we had Rainbow, and once again it was bedtime the provided the backdrop for comedy: the effervescent craziness of Zippy and the dopey musings George. They didn’t really have a luxury bed, but there was space for Bungle to squeeze in from time to time.

At this point in our musings The Sleep Room seemed to have reached the end of comedic duos in the bedroom. Then came Sports Relief, which gave us Smithy and Beckham enjoying a bit of Neighbours wearing their his’n’his pyjamas. Ladies and Gentlemen, it seems that the contemporary bed is just as much a birthplace for comedy as it ever was…

David and Smithy: the last word in bedtime banter