We’ve seen beds with in-built LCD televisions. Beds that come down from the ceiling. And even beds that look like they’re floating. But this little beauty leaves them all for dust…

Automatic Bed from Nilo Merino Recalde on Vimeo.

Whilst our beds are amazingly easy to assemble, even they can’t make themselves. This could be a tough assignment for Steve and Matt in our “New Product Development Department”!

When we were setting up thesleeproom.com we spent almost two years listening to bed retailers and salesmen talking their talk. Almost every single person we spoke to had something conflicting to say about the same products and subjects. In fact we heard so much mumbo jumbo that we decided that we would just try hundreds of beds and mattresses for ourselves and form our own opinions based on common sense. We weren’t going to be swayed by the fact that memory foam mattresses were supposedly invented by NASA, for example: we would buy one and sleep on it to see what we thought. So here’s just a few of the things we found out…

1. Memory foam mattresses are fairly popular –but not for the reasons you might expect. Although they do offer your body support and can be pretty comfy (especially when they have a layer of pocket springs on the inside), they’re actually extremely hot things to sleep on: they’re made of man made materials which made us sweat like beasts. We think the real reason for their popularity is that they’re heavily promoted by manufacturers and retailers as they can get away with charging more for them. They are made very cheaply in countries like Malaysia (we visited two factories there…

…that was one of them) and then sold for a shedload in the UK as unsuspecting customers fall prey to retailers’ use of names and descriptions like “coolflow system”. We think this is a mug’s game and that handmade English pocket sprung mattresses are the only way to go. Like food, natural is best.

2. Traditionally mattresses have always been constructed so that you need to turn them every few months to stop them sagging in the middle. But this is only because until recently no one had ever thought of designing one which didn’t need turning. After all, if 16 million of us in the UK officially suffer from a bad back, why the Dickens would anyone want a heavy mattress that you have to pick up and turn? The sleepy UK bed industry has only recently developed and promoted “no turn” mattresses. Their extra facility doesn’t add anything to the cost of their manufacture, but retailers still try to charge more for them. Cheeky monkeys, we say.

3. Here’s a line we kept hearing: “You can tell a mattress has good individual pocket springs as when you place a glass of red wine on the bed and then lie down it won’t spill.” Is the marketing person who came up with this idea insane? Of course it spills. We had all sorts of wet fun with glasses of water on dozens of beds. What actually makes an individual pocket spring good or bad is entirely dependent on the quality of the materials used. Unfortunately, unless you see the mattress being made for yourself or are able to compare the internal components of various mattresses with your own hands, you can’t really be sure of the quality until you’ve worn the bed in. Which is why it’s important to trust the person selling you the bed and to ensure that they actually sleep on the same one every night themselves.

4. Almost all bed retailers we met do not sleep at home on the products they sell.

5. Labelling a mattress as “orthopaedic” is a bit like Gillette bringing out a new shaving cream “for sensitive skin.” Apart from kids, who amongst us hasn’t ever had a bad back or wouldn’t describe their skin as sensitive? The only thing such a bed label does is confirm that the mattress will be firm rather than soft, and also give the retailer an excuse to charge you more. Which we think is a bit off.

We’ll soon post more on this blog about what we found. But rest assured we’ve learnt quite a bit which is why we have the confidence to sell just one type of mattress and a small selection of beds. We don’t ever want to have the largest range, just the very best.

It’s well known that the humble bed can’t be beaten when it comes to getting some shut-eye. However, what’s less well known is that, like a penknife, they’re one of the most useful things in the universe. Don’t believe us? Well, how about these examples of insane bed usefulness…

Beds as a Revenge Mechanism

Another winner trotting out of our German friends’ stable of fun (and we thought Jeremy Beadle was bad):

Beds as a Bank-Beating Option

If you were asked to think of an alternative to an unreliable banking system, you might not immediately conclude that beds were the answer. However, it’s possible you’d be wrong. Back in 2002, a hotel manager foresaw the future we’re now living in, and decided to take action. Kara Kennedy slowly stole money from where she worked and hid it under her bed.

You might have thought people would have cottoned on pretty quickly and caught her, but it in fact took three years before she was found out, and was believed to have stolen almost £150,000, including over £4,000 in loose change. So there you go. Got problems with the banks? Use your bed instead. Apparently it’s the perfect place to hide your dosh.

Beds as Earthquake Protection

So you wake up in the middle of the night, and there’s an earthquake going on. What’s the first thing you do? Find something really sturdy to hide under, right? Well, apparently there might be a better idea. A 97-year old woman from Iran survived for 9 days buried under rubble from an earthquake, because she’d been wrapped up in bed after tucking into her breakfast.

So if you live in LA, take note. Next time an earthquake hits, don’t head for the cellar; go to bed instead!

Beds as an All-Terrain Vehicle

What do you need to traverse the harshest of terrain? A big 4×4? No, as Top Gear proved, what you need is a broken down wreck of a car. However, even that might have been overkill. Ladies and gentlemen, enter the Great Knaresborough Bed Race. This insane little race could only have been the brainchild of an Englishman.

The idea is that you take a bed, modify it any way you want, find some mates with nothing better to do and then race it against other people over land and water. We like.

Beds as an Escape Method

Finally, if you ever find yourself in jail, and need a way to break out, your bed may once again come to your rescue. Although probably of not much use by itself, as Mythbusters proved in season 6, you could in fact climb down a rope made of bedsheets.

So, if you ever find yourself in a situation where you’re in possession of a bed, but what you really need is a rope, now you know what to do. Knot that bedsheet.

Don’t get us wrong, we reckon all the beds we sell are fantastic. But the following beds, whilst they might not be as elegant as either our upholstered bed or Antoinette reproduction French bed, are surely right on the cutting edge of bed design. So please give it up for seven of the most over-the-top beds in the world…

Off Its Rocker – Private Cloud

From our German friends (more specifically, designer Manuel Kloker), we’ve got the Private Cloud. This uber-modern bed is “fun and relaxed”, although exactly how relaxing it would be to have someone sit on the end, and dump you on the floor isn’t entirely clear. That aside, there’s something rather elegant about its smooth, rounded design.

The bed does, of course, come with four chocks, allowing you to stop it from moving around. We’re not completely sold on whether we’d actually want one to sleep in, but you’ve got to give it its dues – it’d make a great talking point!

A Load of Balls – Animi Causa

What do you get if you cross molecular science and a bedroom? Well, possibly this bed, by Israeli design and manufacturing house Animi Causa. The Feel consists of a number of soft balls, held together by plastic connectors. These allow you to sculpt it into pretty much any shape you want, be it a recliner, bed or a kind of sofa type arrangement.

We can’t help thinking that as a bed, it would be pretty lumpy. It’s cooler than a bean bag though. Or is it?

The 80s Contender – Sumo Omni

To the casual observer, the Omni from Sumo is just a giant beanbag shaped like a pillow. However, it’s actually a genius piece of design. Made from rip-proof nylon, the Omni can be a bed, seat, armchair, body-pillow, and probably a dozen more things too.

It does however carry the inherent danger of making you want to acquire other 80’s related paraphernalia, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself whistling Phil Collins classics and hankering after a lava lamp.

…And From the 24th Century – Phi-Ton

Our award for ridiculously over-engineered brilliance goes to the Phi-Ton, the brainchild of designer Fried-Jan Unger. Part sculpture, part bed, it has no sub-frame, no accessible free-moving parts, doesn’t jam and, we’re told, can’t eat you alive.

The whole thing floats on two heavy metal stands, and includes an in-built massager. Oh, and it’s completely recyclable too, which should keep the little green person inside you happy.

The Space Saving Solution – BedUP

So, you’re in your loft-style apartment, and you’re pushed for space. The first thing to go has to be the bed. It just takes up so much room. Fortunately, innovation studio Decadrages has the answer. Called BedUP, this bed lives on your ceiling. No, really.

With the ability to raise or lower it as much as you want, this chic little puppy uses similar technology to ceiling-mounted project screens, except that it lowers a bed, instead of a screen. Which is nice.

If Apple Made Beds – Hi-Can

What do you get the couple who’ve got everything, and harbour a deep-seated love for all things Apple? Well, how about this? Called the Hi-Can, this modernist piece was designed by Edoardo Carlino, and looks like it should have been called the iBed.

It’s more advanced than your iPhone too. With a projector, surround sound system, projector screen, DVD player and probably a swimming pool somewhere built in, it’s fair to say you’d never leave your bed again. Ever.

Because Legs Are SOOO Last Century – Fluttua

The final bed in our little list comes to us from Lago. Called the Fluttua, this bed has only one leg. Yes, that’s right. One.

This bed somehow manages to get by with just one solitary leg in the exact centre of the bed, giving it the appearance of actually floating in thin air. Mind you, this is the same company that thinks that what you really want in life is a flooded bedroom, so maybe, as beds go, this one isn’t the best idea ever…

Over to you…

If you actually own any of these crazy contraptions, or any other bed that’s a bit out of the ordinary, we’d love to hear from you, so please leave a comment below.